Stepping into a place of true freedom in Christ sounds like quite a glorious experience. It is true that the gifts and blessings of this movement within you are abundant. It is out of that very place of freedom that I have been drawn into sharing my story as Christ is rising up within me. As with everything else however, it is also a process. Living the Christ life requires a continuing transforming and renewing of the mind. During such a process of shedding off the ways of man and picking up the ways of Christ, we often will find our old ways in battle with the new. The invitation in those moments is to press into what you are noticing, recognizing it for what it is, ponder what may have triggered the response and then seek God's truth about it. If in that process, you need to bow out for whatever reason, do it honestly and receive God's grace in that moment.
As I have been intentional about stepping into what God is drawing out in me, I continue to notice the battle that goes on. In the last week alone, I have noticed several times, a certain heaviness that has suddenly come over me. It generally presents itself as a deep need to close my eyes and go to sleep and is typically triggered by a situation, a word or a feeling. My increasing ability to be present to the process has allowed me to press into most of these occurrences and walk through them holding firmly to the Truth I find in Jesus Christ. Last night as I experienced this response again, I allowed myself to be attentive to what was there. I noticed the feelings but didn't know where it came from, though I could think of a few possibilities. Sometimes, I think the invitation is to allow the feelings to be there even if there is no explanation. Knowing this, I tried to sit it out. When the "sleepiness" would not dissipate, I finally decided to honor where I was in that given moment and "bow out" not out of a place of fear or hiding but out of a willingness to care for myself. Last night, the space I was in required my attention in a way I could not offer. In that moment, caring for myself meant being OK with not "accomplishing" the task at hand but being willing to walk away. As I continue on the path that the Lord has laid out for me, it will be important not only for myself but for those around me, to care for myself in healthy, life giving ways. Choosing to walk away last night was not a step backwards towards bondage but rather, a step forwards towards greater health and freedom.
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