This morning as I sit in reflection of Christ’s sacrifice on
the cross, I am reminded of a previous post.
It felt important to bring out these words again and then consider what
they mean to me now.
As I continue to sit with the image of
the sinful woman from the gospel of Luke I have found myself coming face to
face with the sin in my own life. Sin that has been thrust upon me, sin
that has come out of my own woundedness and my sin in choosing to keep all of
it from the one True Healer. As I step into this awareness, I see myself
draped in a filthy, beaten and torn shawl of shame. For years, I have
allowed this shawl to cover me, to be my hiding place. Now, however as I
am present to this piece of my journey, as God has prepared me to be, I am
beginning to see new movement. I hear Christ beckoning me to the cross
even as my shawl of shame is draped over my head, my eyes gazing down. As
I approach the cross, I fall to my knees. Lifting my hands to wrap my
fingers around the base of the cross that my Savior is hanging from, I cling to
the hope that is there. The blood from His wounds drips down His beaten
body and off His feet, falling on my covered head. As this drop of blood
touches my shawl of shame, by the power, love and grace of Christ alone, it
begins to dispel the filth and the shame, replacing it with a dazzling white. This white slowly bleeds into the rest of my covering as
God’s transforming truth penetrates and conquers the sin and lies that I have
lived out of for so long.
Now, over two years after first writing these words I find
that they still feel raw and real. I am still that broken person in need
of healing, the unlovable in need of love, the sinner in need of
forgiveness. I am also aware that I have not always stayed at the foot of
the cross where such transformational work is done. Often I turn my head
and move away. If I am to be completely honest I would have to admit
that it is fear that pulls me away. Fear of the truth, fear of exposure,
fear of vulnerability. What I know is that God is bigger than my fear as
He gently and continually invites me back. Each time I return to Him, His
healing goes a little deeper, His love spreads a little farther and my shawl
becomes a little brighter. Today I feel so thankful that God has not
required me to clean myself up before I come to Him-an impossible task.
Rather, He invites me to come as I am and simply be open to receive His perfect
and transforming love. Lord, may my heart be open to you this day and may
I “approach the throne of grace with confidence so that [ I might ] receive
mercy and find grace.” Hebrews 4:16
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