Longing

This week I have been sitting with the image of Jesus on the beach with his disciples after his resurrection.  He invited them to sit around the fire, rest and eat with him.  It is an amazing image of warmth, love and communion with Him.  As I place myself around that fire I feel a powerful need to drink deeply of this type of offering and yet I feel challenged to receive it.  Sometimes when I feel this in need, this vulnerable, I also tend to feel fear.  It is a fear of being hurt, fear of being violated, fear of being rejected.  This morning I found myself going to a place in my memory when I felt this in need, this vulnerable and yet safe, loved. 

Every once in a while I allow myself to travel far back into my memories and find myself curled up on the couch next to my dear Auntie Lil.  As I close my eyes I can still feel the warmth of her hand on my forehead.  I can hear the ping of the rings on her hand as they rubbed up against each other.  I can feel the distinctive rhythm of her fingers as she stroked my hair.  Even as I write these words my body aches with longing as the hot tears flow down my cheek.  Never once did I question my Auntie Lil’s love for me.  Never once did I feel my safety threatened or fear rejection. These moments of time brought unique opportunities to feel deeply loved and protected just as I was. 
 

Many times over the last ten years, these experiences have come to mind as I have tried to grasp how deep and how wide God’s love is for me.  In my reflection of these unique times with my Aunt, I have become more open to receive God’s perfect and tangible love.  However, I think that today, it is the very small child in me that needs to understand and receive this love and yet it is the very small child that feels so vulnerable and in danger.  So this morning, I ask that God would allow the child within me to receive His love through the very heart and hands of the one with whom she felt safe and protected.  I invite Him into these sacred spaces that I believe He provided for me so that this small child might receive all that God desired for her.  I feel nothing less than His blessing as I place this request before Him.  

Thank you Father for meeting me where I am and being willing to love me in ways that I am able to receive.  Amen