God's Profound Love



 “ When I close my eyes to attend to my picture of God, my body is set alive by the experience.  I see colors rising and falling as they flow across a canvas. I hear music swirling and dancing all around me. I feel a deep longing within me to hold the brush from which the colors stream, allowing it to guide my hand with bold yet graceful movement.  My body aches to turn and flow with the swells that the music within me creates.  When I am able and willing to release these longings and step into all that they create, I find myself in a sincere and divine place of worship.  These divine places of worship, at times, are explosive, rich with joy filled energy and yet at other times, reverent and broken so deeply aware of the holiness of God. “

These words came out of a personal journal entry from some time ago.  They touch my heart and remind me of such sacred moments when I have been willing to open my heart, mind and body to God.  When I allow myself to be exposed to God's profound, healing and intimate love, I am blessed with a holy awareness and knowing of my Maker that cannot easily be described.  Today I am invited to allow God's love to penetrate the very shame in my life that I have been hiding and guarding for so very long.  The invitation brings fear and hesitation for what might occur during that process as the shame has kept my secrets safe for such a long time.  It is important now that I remember the words and experience I described over 2 1/2 years ago.  They allow me to look forward remembering that God's love is good and healing and gentle.  They allow me to imagine an experience that comes out of a divine love that brings wholeness and joy.  They encourage and strengthen my choice to allow God to lavish His love on me and to rely on His guard, His protection and to rest under the shadow of His wing.

God's Sufficiency

Recently the story of Moses’ beginning into ministry has been coming to mind. God appeared to him in the midst of a burning bush and spoke directly to him. He clearly told him of his calling and even offered additional encouragement and evidence when Moses was filled with doubt. Moses continued to question his own self sufficiency and God continued to demonstrate His sufficiency. When Moses still could not embrace his calling, God became angry and yet still allowed Moses to move forward in his calling even though he had not fully grasped the truth of God’s ultimate power and authority. In God’s grace, He even provided a crutch for Moses’ unbelief through his brother Aaron.

As I step forward into what God has called me to, I am very aware of how I don’t measure up. I often feel like Moses when he said, “O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.” Exodus 4:10 I find that I shrink back out of my feelings of inadequacy as I notice others around me that are superior in wisdom and graciousness of speech. I am fully aware of my own awkwardness and I am quick to condemn my own unbelief. This viscous cycle keeps me wrapped up in my own self sufficiency and it is an easy way for the enemy to keep me down. Rather today, I choose to acknowledge my weaknesses, notice my areas for growth, ask for my companions to have patience with me, and then lean on God and trust in His provision and sufficiency.

Moving through the darkness into The Light

This morning I have been considering the experience of the disciples during this time of darkness as Christ was lying dead in the tomb. I can only imagine the turmoil they must have felt as they tried to wrap their heads around what had just happened. The man they had come to serve, love and know as the Messiah, the one who had come to save them had been put to death, conquered. What did that mean for them? Fear, doubt and sadness would have put a profound weight on their hearts. They had no understanding of what was to come. I wonder if they replayed the events over the last days and months trying to look for clues that might lead them into a better understanding of what had happened. If nothing else, the memories of being with Jesus might have offered some comfort. Those three days must have felt like three years as they tried to recollect themselves for life with this new reality.

We are gifted in knowing the story and its outcome. We know that the darkness for the disciples is only temporary and that their joy would become so much more complete when Jesus would rise up on that third day, overcoming death, sanctifying us from our sin and reconciling us with our Heavenly Father. As I have sat with these thoughts, I have been drawn into an awareness of my own experiences of fear, doubt and sadness that comes in those dark places. The turmoil that comes with waking up one day and realizing that what you thought you knew has been ripped away and you are left trying to pick up the pieces. The frustration and even anger you feel as you struggle to put the pieces back together and yet you seem to keep dropping them. How might the story of the disciples experience be of comfort to me? We know their story because it has been completed. We know that the darkness was only temporary and that God’s plan was in effect the entire time. We know that moving through the darkness and into the light more fully prepared them for living out God’s mission in their lives. Can I trust that God’s plan continues to be in effect for me? Can I remember His works in my life and look to His face to comfort and sustain me? Can I believe that when the darkness is over I will have even greater clarity and drive to live out what God has purposed me to be? During times of darkness, questions like these might need to be answered daily or even hour by hour. Some days they might need to come as a prayer for the strength and faith to even consider these questions.

So as I consider the journey of the disciples, I might also consider their encouragement as Paul said in Philippians 3:12, 14 I press on to take hold of that for which Christ took hold of me. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.


Many blessings and care to you in this blessed Easter season.

“You need only to be still”

This morning I sit in deep reflection and prayer as I struggle to make sense of the pieces of my story that are being revealed to me. When I step out of my body and look at these pieces alone, a very clear picture is formed. However, as I remain in my body and attempt to fit these pieces into all that I have believed and known, the picture looks misshaped, deformed. How do I know when the picture is misshaped due to my mind's struggle to hide and protect and when it is misshaped simply because something is out of place. It is a battle in my mind for which I am ill-equipped to fight. As I have sat with all of these thoughts this morning, I cry out to God for help. On impulse, I pick up my phone and see the daily verse app pop up and I wonder what God might have to say to me today. I open the app and the verse that pops up is simply:

Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Lord, help me to be still in the midst of such chaos in my mind. I trust you to bring clarity to my story in your way and in your time. Give me the courage to allow the picture to be deformed for now with the knowledge that you will not leave me that way. Amen